Relationship with Parents

via UT DEEN INTENSIVE

By Junayd Oliver, Sheikh Abdul Nassir Jangda, and Wisam Sharieff

Parents are not perfect, no one is perfect but love is not accepting someone because they are perfect but loving them although they are not perfect. Our parents do so much for us yet we hardly realize it.

Our fathers have the weight of the family on their shoulders, our fathers our responsible for the well-being of the family and on the Day of Judgment they will be questioned by their actions and inaction in regards to their duty to their family. So if your dad forbids you from going out late, it is not because he hates you or because he doesn’t want you to be the coolest person in school but for you own well-being. Because what if you got into a car accident, who’s fault would that be? It would be your father for letting you stay out that late, and on the Day of Judgment he will be questioned. So let’s give our fathers some slack, although they seem to be mega psycho strict sometimes, it is for the best, inshallah.

Our mothers are a completely different story, a mother is the strangest and most unique creature on this earth, nothing parallels to the love of a mother, they are the most self-less human beings. Your mother is the only person who can get mad at you and make you dinner at the same time. But on a rather serious note, as Muslims we were told to respect our mother three times before anyone else (sorry daddy), but why? First, our mothers bled and pushed for us to be here, they went through 9 months of carrying us in their stomachs and after they went through two years of smelly diapers, vomiting and crying, and for us to forget it all. So we need to give our mothers a break, those ladies really do try, alhumduiallah.  And honestly, no one will love you like your mother.

So when interacting with our parents we need to realize that they are human beings and although sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, they love us, especially our mums. So we don’t need a sheikh to tell us, we have to respect our parents. Unless your parents our MAKING you bow down to idols, which is not the case for most individuals, then listen to them. And look at Ibrahim (as) his father made the idols that they worshiped, and he still treated his father with the upmost respect.

But sometimes we feel as though our parents are on Jupiter, what should we do? They don’t understand us, they are soo F.O.B.  

Many Muslim parents are immigrants, so the cultures and values will be different but this should not sway us from treating them appropriately. And instead of distancing ourselves away from them, we should try to bring ourselves closer to them by understanding their responsibilities, putting ourselves in their shoes, spending time with them and showing some interest in them. Our parents are not going to last forever, so if you must sit through a few dramas to get some quality time with your mom or play a little cricket to get some quality time with your dad, just do it and fake with a smile. Take little baby steps which will not hurt you to show that you are interested in them and love them.

Once you are done reading this, text you mom (if she texts) or your dad and tell them you love them because you won’t understand them until you become a parent yourself. 

Steps to Forgiveness  by Wisam Sharieff

via UT DEEN INTENSIVE 

1)      Admit

If you commit a sin, admit that you committed that sin. This is easier said than done because as human beings we are prone to making excuses. If we are mean or rude to someone, we would rather blame that person for making us mad than admit that our actions our wrong. So we have to take responsibility of our actions in order to receive any forgiveness

2)      Apologize/Ask for an apology

After we admit we have done something wrong, we need to make dua for forgiveness, we need to ask Allah to forgive us. Allah is Al-Gafur, Allah is all forgiving and all merciful, but Allah does not have to forgive us, we have to ask for forgiveness. And when asking for forgiveness we need to be sincere, sincerity is key, and it will tell in your actions.

3)      Alter

After admitting and apologizing for our actions we should alter our actions, and this is a prelude to the last step. If we watched movies and ate lots of popcorn until 3 am in the morning and missed fajr, we should alter that habit in order to not miss fajr. If hanging out with a certain group of friends make us backbite other individuals, we should stay away from that group. We should enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil.

4)      Accept

After admitting, apologizing, and finding ways to alter our actions, we have to accept not to repeat the same mistake. Of course as humans we will slip up, but we must try as hard as we can to not repeat the same sin, over and over. So if we know that we cannot stay up until 1 am and pray fajr, than we should not stay up until 1 am because we do not want to miss fajr.

Friday Khutbah, by Shaykh Omar Suleiman

Every single soul shall taste death and we will all be paid our dues on the Day of Judgment. The life of this world is deceiving in nature. There are people who are wrapped in its fingers. They are living and then leave the world leaving no legacy behind…nothing. On their funerals, yes, people cry and their family or friends cry but a month of two later, the pain ease, couple years, every one has moved on, and 100 years, we’re forgotten.

Who really are we? What will we be remembered as? What makes us different from everyone else? The moment someone dies- the person who had a name, who had reputation, who had personality- becomes nothing more than a lifeless body. If you have ever witnessed someone die close to you, or a patient, you’ll know that when someone is about to die, their eyes get all glassy and the moment their gone, you automatically feel a disattachment to the body. Because the soul that made the person himself or herself, has left, and there is nothing more than just a body. You lose your identitiy the moment you die. When the janaza is called, its simply just the body. Nothing more.

What is a legacy? There was an instance when the Prophet, salla Allahu alayhi wasalam, na his companions saw a janaza going through. And the companions started praising him. And the Prophet, salla Allahu alayhi wasalam said, “It has become mandatory, it has become mandatory, it has become mandatory”….What was it that had become mandatory? Jannah had become mandatory for that person. Another janaza passed through, and this time the companions condemned him- and for that guy hell fire became certain. (Summarized hadith from Muslim #2073] Thus, we can see that the legacy we leave behind is of some importance. What good have we done? What distinguishable thing have we done? Will we be nothing more than a picture after we die?

There was a women in the Prophet’s time, salla Allahu alayhi wasalam, who used to clean the masjid. She wasn’t really someone big, or wealthy, or well known. In fact when she passed away, the companions didn’t think of it as a big enough deal to even call the Prophet, salla Allahu alayhi wasalam. They didn’t want to both him so they prayed janaza on her and buried her. That women who used to clean the masjid had no legacy in her society. But now, she has more of a legacy than the richest man on Earth. Because how many times is she mentioned in khutbahs, in lectures, in talks, in halaqas? How huge is her legacy?

Take a look at Hajar, she didn’t live a prestigious life. She wasn’t really honored. But her struggle when she was running the hills of Safaa and Marwa, Did she imagine how many people would commemorate her struggle? Every year at hajj millions of people commemorate her struggle? Look at her legacy that she left behind.

And when Maryam alayhisalam, when she gives birth to Jesus and she says “I wish I would have died before this” and the Angel tells her, The lord has placed beneath you a stream, so eat and drink and let this be the joy of your eyes. Don’t allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself. You are going to be an example for men and women. You will be an example. Don’t wish to be forgotten. And look at the legacy of Maryam, alayhisalam- one of the four women promised Jannah, mentionined in the Qur’an, a whole surah about her subhanAllah.

We need to think about how we will leave this world. Lots of us hate death. We hate it. I’ve noticed how death is something that makes people mad when you talk about it. Why do we hate death? Because we keep establishing ourselves here but we have nothing for our Akhirah. You did nothing for the hereafter. At the end of the day, its wasted potential.

We need to start preparing for our Akhirah. May Allah help us die in sujood, prostrating to him alone, live for his sake alone, and be amongst those that are like Asiyah, laughing as they are departing this world, eager to meet our Rab

Ibn Qayyim, rahimullah, said: When we are born, we are born crying and people laughing. When we die, it should be the opposite. We should be smiling, laughing, and the people around us crying.

May Allah make us amongst those that die on a Friday, that are protected from the punishment of the grave and that die…smiling. Allahuma Ameen.

“What Does God Want From You?”

-Omar Suleiman

“I did not create men and jinn except that they worship me” 51:56

Allah is not systematic, Islam is not black and white, Allah is a being that is Al-Rahman, Al-Raheem, Allah’s mercy is complete and for all. Allah is Ash-Shura, appreciative of all that we do. On the Day of Judgment, we will all be embraced by Allah’s mercy or Allah’s justice. Every person who enters Jannah, will enter with Allah’s mercy.

So what does Allah want?

Allah wants us to try our best with pure sincerity because it is not about how much we did but the sincerity behind what we did. If we pray a million prayers and none of them are for Allah, our actions would be meaningless. Unlike Christianity and Judaism, in Islam we must do our part although we know that it will never be enough. No person on this earth can thank Allah enough for what he has given us and Allah knows that, Allah is not asking for much, Allah just wants us to try.

Remember in elementary school when you would make cheap mother’s day gifts consisting of ice cream sticks and paper, and your mother would get so happy that you made it for her? Your mother knows that it is not the “best” of gifts and may not even value the gift but she loves it because of the heart behind the gift. This is the same for Allah, Allah values our intention and sincerity. Today we have people, who work off of their good looks, today we judge people on how great they look on the outside, Allah does not do this. Allah judges us based on the heart. And when our hearts are completely submitted to Allah, everything is easy and we will find ways to demonstrate that love with sincerity.

The answer is simple, try our hardest to please the one we love by completing actions that please him. It is funny how today we consider people “religious” because they pray five times a day and fast during Ramadan when in fact, we all supposed to pray five times a day and fast during Ramadan. This is not to judge but we need to treat Allah as if we love him, when you love someone don’t you always want to make them happy? Don’t you want to please them? When you love someone, you try to make sure that you are always on good terms with them and spend time trying to make sure they are happy with you. We need to do the same with our Lord, the one created us and all those we love.

And we have to remember that it is not about how we start but how we finish…